Sunday, May 6, 2012

85 ways to avoid running afoul of the FBI

I found this on Fox News:

"The lesson here is that if you visit an airport, stay in a hotel, drink coffee at an Internet cafĂ©, play paintball or in some other way interact with one of the presumed legion of Halloween G-men in the American public, a full-fledged FBI investigation is only one phone call away. In light of this fresh peril necessitated by the threat of totalitarian ideologues, TakePart presents 85 behaviors to avoid if you want to stay off the FBI’s lists of terror suspects:
1) Do Not: Use Google Maps to find your way around a strange city.
2) Do Not: Use Google Maps to view photos of sports stadiums.
3) Do Not: Install online privacy protection software on your personal computer.
4) Do Not: Attempt to shield your computer screen from the view of others.
5) Do Not: Shave your beard, dye your hair or alter your mode of dress.
6) Do Not: Sweat.
7) Do Not: Avoid eye contact.
8) Do Not: Use a cell-phone camera in an airport, train station or shopping mall.
9) Do Not: Seek to work alone or without supervision.
10) Do Not: Appear to be out of place.
11) Do Not: Have bright colored stains on your clothing.
12) Do Not: Be missing any fingers.
13) Do Not: Emit strange odors.
14) Do Not: Travel an “illogical distance” to do your shopping.
15) Do Not: Have someone pick you up from a beauty supply store.
33) Do Not: Act impatient.
16) Do Not: Be nervous.
17) Do Not: Be a new customer from out of town.
18) Do Not: Use a credit card in someone else’s name.
19) Do Not: Chant environmental slogans near construction sites.
20) Do Not: Enter a construction site after work hours.
21) Do Not: Rent watercraft for an extended period.
22) Do Not: Make comments involving radical theology.
23) Do Not: Make vague or cryptic warnings.
24) Do Not: Express anti-U.S. sentiments.
25) Do Not: Purchase a quantity of prepaid or disposable cell phones.
26) Do Not: Leave store without preprogramming disposable phones.
27) Do Not: Be overly interested in satellite phones and voice privacy.
28) Do Not: Ask questions about swapping SIM cards in cell phones.
29) Do Not: Ask questions about how phone location can be tracked.
30) Do Not: Rewire cell phone’s ringer or backlight.
31) Do Not: Express out-of-place and provocative religious or political sentiments.
32) Do Not: Purchase a police scanner, infrared device or 2-way radio.
33) Do Not: Act impatient.
34) Do Not: Drive a vehicle that appears to be overloaded.
35) Do Not: Depart quickly when seen or approached.
36) Do Not: Be a person “acting suspiciously.”
37) Do Not: Make illegible notes on a map.
38) Do Not: Take photos of the Statue of Liberty or other “symbolic targets.”
39) Do Not: Overdress for the weather.
40) Do Not: Ask questions in a hobby shop about remote controlled aircraft.
41) Do Not: Demonstrate interest that does not seem genuine.
42) Do Not: Request specific room assignments or locations at a hotel or motel.
43) Do Not: Arrive at a lodging with unusual amounts of luggage.
52) Do Not: Make notes that are illegible to passersby.
44) Do Not: Refuse cleaning service.
45) Do Not: Avoid the lobby of a hotel or motel.
46) Do Not: Remain in your hotel or motel room.
47) Do Not: Leave your hotel for several days, then return.
48) Do Not: Leave behind clothing and toiletry items.
49) Do Not: Park your vehicle in an isolated area.
50) Do Not: Be observed switching a cell phone SIM card.
51) Do Not: Be observed using multiple cell phones.
52) Do Not: Make notes that are illegible to passersby.
53) Do Not: Communicate through a PC game.
54) Do Not: Download “extreme/radical” content.
55) Do Not: Exhibit preoccupation with press coverage of terrorist attacks.
56) Do Not: Wear a backpack when the weather is warm.
57) Do Not: Speak to mall maintenance personnel or security guards.
58) Do Not: Make racist comments.
59) Do Not: Mumble to yourself.
60) Do Not: Pass along any anonymous threats you may receive.
61) Do Not: Discreetly take a photo in a mass transit site.
62) Do Not: Arrive with a group of people and split off from them.
63) Do Not: Demand “identity privacy.”
64) Do Not: Appear to endorse the use of violence in support of a cause.
65) Do Not: Make bulk purchases of meals ready to eat.
66) Do Not: Arrive in America from a land where militant Islamic groups operate.
67) Do Not: Take a long absence for religious education or charity work.
68) Do Not: Travel to countries where militant Islam rules.
69) Do Not: Study technical subjects that would aid a terror operation.
70) Do Not: Work in a field that “serves as a cover for preparing for an operation.”
71) Do Not: Exhibit ire at global policies of the U.S.
72) Do Not: Balk at providing “complete personal information.”
73) Do Not: Provide multiple names on rental car paperwork.
74) Do Not: Receive an unusual number of package deliveries.
75) Do Not: Replace rental property locks without permission.
76) Do Not: Modify your property to conceal storage areas.
77) Do Not: Fail to pay rent for a storage unit in a timely manner.
78) Do Not: Inquire about security systems at your storage facility.
79) Do Not: Place unusual items in storage units or dumpsters.
80) Do Not: Avoid contact with rental facility personnel.
81) Do Not: Access storage facilities an unusual number of times.
82) Do Not: Request deliveries of items directly to a storage unit.
83) Do Not: Be part of a group requesting identical tattoos.
84) Do Not: Request tattoos that could conceal extremist symbols.
85) Do Not: Fly while appearing to be Muslim on September 11 of any year.

The FBI flyers include a disclaimer following the list of terrorist behaviors, right above the Anti-Terrorism Tip Line number.
NOTE: It is important to remember that just because someone’s speech, actions, beliefs, appearance, or way of life is different; it does not mean that he or she is suspicious.
For emphasis, the FBI sets off this note encouraging tolerance in italics, the typographical equivalent of a wink."


Carlos Perera said...

The condensed version of this list is: "Do not act as an introvert naturally would." The FBI should just give a Myers-Briggs personality test to the entire population and preemptively arrest those whose scores categorize them as introverts. (A few other population subsets would also have to be preemptively arrested, just to be thorough, e.g., physicians generally run afoul of the "Do not make notes that are illegible to passersby" indicator.)

Opus #6 said...

Physicians are often introverts, as they would need to be studious types to get through all that schooling.

I see problems ahead for our health care system....

LL said...

Physicians who don't support ObamaCare should be high on the list. I don't see that. Perhaps it's an oversight by the FBI?

Opus #6 said...

I imagine this list is revised constantly.

sig94 said...

Wouldn't be easier to list the half dozen or so non-suspicious activities that don't give the feds fits?

Silverfiddle said...

Sad, isn't it? We're all suspects in our own country.

Amusing Bunni said...

We just all better go lock ourselves in the closet.

The OWS nutters are in trouble, see # 13, hee hee.

LL said...

The list should also include Secretary Napolitano's enemies list: retired US Military & Police Officers, those opposed to illegal immigration, members of the NRA, etc.

Doom said...

I don't know. I don't actually worry about the FBI. These are they guys who have brought everyone BUT the bad guys in on suspicion or for questioning in events before, and to some degree after, 9/11. Non-badguys were let go, slowly or quickly. If I fear something it is that they are being hamstrung by politicians again, so that another, bigger, terrorist event could take place that would endanger me or mine or even my fellow Americans (even the ones I consider idiots). The recent attempt by them to end local affiliations and information sharing was... just one bump in the dark.

Further, I can't completely blame them. Much like the ROE given to the military sometimes, good men are often wasted on bad policies and politics. For all I know that list was created to soothe us, in some way. Like a "dog bites" sign, minus the dog of course. Those things may lead to bad people being hired, or turds rising faster than cream.

Just... thinking. Oh, I neither work for, nor make any gains from my review. :p

Kid said...

Whew!!! I'm safe.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...